This is a clearer write up based on the initial post and to clarify with the commentary later provided.
When you understand that DDlg is not the umbrella littles evolved from, it is easier to understand that littles are not what most people assume we are.
Just to make sure we are clear, all parts of the BDSM lifestyle have a foundation in which they grew. Even Littles have a foundation. The foundation is built to maintain flexibility. The Big/littles community has influence from the age play kink, where our openness was born, and the leather community. Even in our local communities, there are differences in the straight, pansexual, and gay B/l communities. All of this is because we have a base structure that we can renovate.
So we all have common roots.
Big/little dynamics, or even CGl, is the umbrella. DDlg is a specific dynamic that branches off B/l that is about Daddy Dominants and littles girls. DDlg is one of the most public forms of D/s based Big/littles dynamics.
B/l means Bigs and littles. I use Bigs/littles because I have seen its use as a better and more caring use to the non-binary community who often lump both D/s and non-D/s dynamics under the same non-gendered phrasing. Ageplayers are not included as littles unless they are also littles who carry more of a personality style. DDlg is as D/s based B/l or CG l dynamic.
Also addressing the idea that Babyboys and Babygirls are automatically littles. That is not true. Some BBs and BGs also are littles like many ageplayers are also littles usually also identify as that. BBs and BGs enjoy dynamic based on the nurturing aspect of BDSM relationships and that has a lot of overlap with Big/Little. Similarities don’t mean it’s the same things. Many confuse this however due to Babyboy and Babygirl being pet names as well as roles.
In most little friendly spaces in the community at large, age-players and a littles intermix a lot and during that time the differences between us are not very profound. It is not until we start dealing with the relational aspects of how littles interact with their partners on a regular basis, that you truly see the limited differences between us; as well as when you see 24/7 littles and how they interact with the world around them.
BDSM stands for Bondage and Discipline/ Dominance and submission/ Sadism and Masochism. BDSM is not just one person being in control of another. That is a specific part of BDSM, the power exchange within Dominance and submission.
Big/little dynamic don’t inherently have anyone in charge. They have someone who takes on more of the responsibility, but unlike D/s power exchange there are no control or authority transfers. In a non-D/s Big/little dynamic your Big does not control you, unless specifically negotiated. In a D/s B/l dynamic where the little is the sub, they give up their power and control of themselves as negotiated.
In the B/l community, littles are not subs, but we can also be subs. D/s is based in submission (the action or fact of accepting or yielding to a superior force or to the will or authority of another person) and control (the power to influence or direct people’s behavior or the course of events). Bigs and little care for and are taken care of. It does not require you to submit to another’s authority or relinquish control of yourself to just engage as littles and Bigs, even if you create a relationship or dynamic of sorts.
Example: Submitting happens in only D/s. I have another Big. He cares for me, but I do not submit to him. He has no control over how I live my life, just reminds me of my choices and lets me make them. My DD has every right, however, to tell me my choices aren’t acceptable and tell be what “choices” to make or limit my choices. While a Big may limit my choices it is usually between choices that they know I like or would find acceptable. While a Daddy Dominant knows my negotiated limits, they would still have more leeway to tell me what to do.
Remember that there are Dominants who are little who have set their dynamic and their Big is submissive to them.
To be a Dominant and a little doesn’t mean you are a switch. It is like being a little and a Primal.
It is a type of exchange dynamic, but the power exchange is not always the same as Dominant submissive. For non-D/s CGl (B/l) dynamics it is care and being cared for, rather than control and submission. But most D/s based B/l dynamics include both.
Littles and Big are roles that evolved from a kink-based role play because some people are more personality based rather than role-play based. Hence, the difference between littles and age-players. Not a big difference and often ignored because when we are interacting in the community, does that really matter?
DDlg is also most certainly not the gentler form of BDSM as it is often pushed to be seen to appeal to some unless the people want it to be. BDSM is not always rough just bc some of the actions may seem thus. The distinction between gentler seems unnecessary bc it comes from a place of misunderstanding of D/s relationship. Not all BDSMers are into pain at all, that is one of the stereotypes that are often perpetuated. Unfortunately even those of us who reside in the lifestyle keep falling for it.
B/l is not a construct if my own. It’s just not as widely used because Tumblr is one of the reasons that littles became popular and they lump everyone under DDlg an CG l.
Littles’ history is not written or put together as well as leather and D/s history. Once you find people who have identified as littles since the split split between littles and ageplayers back in the late ups and early 90s you start to understand the basic foundation of our community.
**I, KittenInLimbo, have adopted the preferences of using Big/little over CGl as some people still use CGl to denote D/s based dynamics.
I maintain that not all littles are subs as their are many out there who don’t fit within D/s PE or are Dominants themselves.
B/l is a regional term. I forget which area of the U.S I learned it from, but it seems like a better fit after talking to some older littles who have stayed littles over the years.
B/l is the larger community of Bigs and littles not a singular dynamic which is why that or CGl fit as better umbrellas for all dynamics rather than DDlg which gives a false notion about what littles are.
Talking to littles who engage in Big/l relationships is what has shown me and others that lumping us under DDlg is inaccurate, especially for non-binary, polyamorous, and lgbt people.
When I first asked people in my local community I was told that it was a regional label, but it did seem to be a better overall title for addressing our community as a whole. We tend to just say the littles community which is inaccurate. It is B/l or Bigs/l or CG/l. Which, just like with the M/s community or D/s community, can represent a label for the community as a whole or a type of dynamic.**
Take a gander at some of K.I.L’s writings. On Fet:
- https://fetlife.com/users/2987874/posts/2845660 https://fetlife.com/users/2987874/posts/2852936 https://fetlife.com/users/2987874/posts/2973348