Coffee wasn’t a fan of the Caregiver little dynamic. She didn’t quite understand it, but she respected it. She knew being little was who I am.
She was very sure that she would never be a Caregiver in the dynamic because she wasn’t the type.
I respected that, but I never agreed that she wasn’t the type. There honestly really isn’t a type. Anyone can be a Caregiver or a Big if they want.
To me, she was my partner. My partner who learned my little, even though she didn’t have to.
She learned when I needed people to do things a certain way because I was stuck in my youngest space.
She made sure Papa knew when I was bad.
They’d “gang up” on me when I was bad and didn’t want to be in trouble, so I couldn’t cute my way out.
She’d give me treats and give me my stuffy.
She’d take care of me if I got sick.
She’d let me be little when Papa wasn’t around and make sure I didn’t get into stuff.
She did a lot of stuff that Caregivers do, but she wasn’t my Caregiver. She was one of the Bigs in my life. One of my really important Bigs in my life.
Life partner. Friend. Pack member. Our three-sided home base.
When she died I was heartbroken. I lost my little for about 2 weeks because, well, I was scared. Possibly a little a lot selfish, but very scared. I was scared of everything.
Who else would be there to sit with me for hours at the police station because a stupid head assaulted me in a place that should have been safe?
Who do I ask my political questions to, when my little brain can’t compute?
What are our lives now?
What does the future look like without her?
Who is gonna take care of me when Papa is busy?
Crap, we have no more plan. I mean we did, but do we still want the old thing.
My biggest thought was I can’t be Big. I don’t even know how to be a real Big.
Anyways I’m rambling. The point is that if you are a Big in a Little’s life, you are kinda important even if you don’t know it.
You don’t have to be their CG to just be there, understand, and make them feel safe.
You teach us things.
Show us different perspectives.
You make being us easier.