Introspective-y ramble-y things

Are you happy now Da. Friggin grammar snob. I liked the original title you doob.

I’m pretty sure we’ve gotten what I am as a little down, but as I’ve mentioned before Papa and I are going through some changes (Maybe not, we will have to see). For the last…what… 2 months as these discussions have been happening I’ve been doing a lot more introspection than I normally do for my submissive facet.   I have some things that I think are really important to work out if these changes are really gonna happen. This is a work in progress processing type thingy.

I don’t submit easily.

  • I am a control freak. Not cute hardy har har way. I literally panic when I am not in control of things. I find subtle ways to stay in control and most times people don’t notice. the perks of being “adorable” and smiling I guess.
  • I mean yea my primal make D/s interesting since the tiniest thing can make people less of a Dominant to me especially if I don’t consider you an aggressive or scary Dominant. Emphasis on the “if I don’t consider you…” part. I don’t care how big bad and scary you think you are it has to scare and intimidate me.
  • I have practically no respect for authority figures. I’m used to people taking advantage of the small amount of power they have over people. Like that was hard growing up because after a while I developed the “prove it” and “why” mentality times a bufillion. I still don’t do the “I’m older than you, therefore you must respect me and do this that and the other thing because I said so” thing. Yuck! I was one of those kids that flew under the radar while silently hating all the establishments and shit. But seeing as I am definitely not a person that fits into constructs very easily, it makes sense.
  • I’m not quiet in volume or quantity of words spoken. I definitely like to learn and can keep quiet when learning or letting people vent, but I’m really opinionated. I always say though its because I spent 18 years being told I don’t a say or an opinion ever. Literally, fuck that shit. I know, language. I’ll eventually get better.

I’m bossy and shit, but D/s is what I need. It’s just not always what I want to do.

Honestly, if I were to go just based off of personality generally displayed I’d agree with most of the people who have a tendency to say I am not a submissive.

I mean hell I have a very Dominant personality that isn’t always easy to see especially when I’m really tiny.

But that just it, there are layers to people and at my core that I’m submissive. The act of act of doing and being are what I need and not always what I want.

I don’t forgive easily and I most certainly don’t forget, which of course can be really hard. If you hurt me bad there is a level of trust that is pretty impossible so far to regain or rework.

I don’t let people in.
Like I share a lot. I probably over share. Sorry guys. But there is always a bit of a barrier there.

I guess my biggest example would  be when I talk about our late life partner. I have so many people comment on how composed I am when I talk about her and they don’t understand how ok I am after a year and a half, but I mean let’s just say that I haven’t removed her from my relationships and still acknowledge the triads anniversary.

I’m not a nice person.
I mean I’m nice when I have to be and if you don’t annoy me, but otherwise I’m not very nice and I usually just turn sassy and sarcastic. Not even like the Bratting type.

I don’t have patience.
At least not the patience I think I need. IDK.

I’m a toddler a lot the time
I mean not really. I’m a 24/7 little and that little is not necessarily nice. My middle is a bitch ( I like it shrugs). My older little is kinda nice and more mild mannered, but then there is the spoiled toddler. Literally, blame Da. I was not a spoiled child.I am a spoiled little toddler adult thing and I like getting my way.

I’m highly dependent on my Da.
But I think that is normal after 5 years of relationshipping, 4 years of on and off again D/s as we figured stuff out, and 1 year of me being stay at home. It’s what I’m used to. I’m used to getting my cues from him.

I’m scared of everything
Except serial killers… go figure.

Ok so after The Journey I feel like I’m finished with this. Maybe not, but I feel it’s time to move on to the positive.

I am Little
Yes, I am tiny, but being a Little is who I am.

I am me
I may be a booger, but I’m a me booger and I have bubbles.

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