I’m a big advocate for communication in all forms of relationships (romantic, platonic friendship, and sexual).
But what I have discovered is that most people don’t understand what that means. Communication is not about just talking. When you do that it becomes about talking at each other.
A crucial part of communication is the checking in and paying attention to the non-verbals. Essentially it’s about verifying your understanding of the conversation.
See when people are telling you to communicate, we are telling you to figure out the best way to communicate EFFECTIVELY BETWEEN YOU AND THE PERSON you are communicating with. We are not trivializing your situation or even saying that it is an easy fix.
Communication is not supposed to always be comfortable.
Sometimes it brings up uncomfortable things. Sometimes you have to address your flaws. Sometimes you have to bring up the past to resolve it or heal ( because sweeping it under the rug is not the way to handle hurt).
And the sometimes communication does not have the desired effect.
You see, communicating isn’t just suppose to fix a problem. Sometimes it’s just supposed to show you that there is a bigger issue that you need help dealing with, and sometimes the way it fixes the issue is by showing you that you aren’t compatible on the issue.
Sometimes you just have to handle the unsavory truths that come with communicating and that seems to be the core of the problem.
We don’t want the truth. We only want what we want. Our fantasy and desires.
So for communication to work you have to learn to face reality and truth, as well as how to balance it with our hopes and dreams.