That little piece of paper nor does the significant amount of time I have invested compared to a newer partner make me more important. It means We have entanglements, love, memories, and responsibilities.
I don’t believe in that. I don’t believe in people having more importance because of arbitrary social rules, especially when I’m already breaking the norms that those rules align with.
If we had children, they would be the important ones. They would be the ultimate scale tipper for discussions.
But as far as if I’m going to hold the flag of being Da’s wife and first full-time girl. Nah.
That doesn’t make me more important.
I don’t believe that legal status should waved around. Would my feelings change if I was number 2? Would I be less protective?
Past experience tells me no because I’ve been poly for 12 years and in multiple styles of poly dynamics. I’ve been number 2 before.
Everyone is important, but poly is not always going to mean that everyone has equal footing.
You won’t always be loved as much as someone else because love doesn’t work on logic.
Needs change, sometimes daily, just like respect and a variety of expressions.
The only person that can decide your importance in a relationship is you (and your partner, sometimes).
Poly is a group dynamic based relationship style. Whether we like to admit it or not, there are still micro dyadic groupings that make up the larger group or family. Those individual groupings are just important to be nurtured. (NOT MONOGOMOOUS GROUPING. You know to be CLEAR.
I may have more access to parts of my partner’s life but doesn’t make me more important. That is honestly not the point of being a primary or anything. It’s not supposed to be a competition with prizes and rewards for coming first.
So to me, there is no “MORE” important. It’s about how your dyad works to please you both. What discussions and decisions everyone makes and what people need from each other.