Being queer in a hetero assigned relationship.

Why hetero assigned?

Simply the assumption that because I am a girl and married to a guy I’m must be hetero. I could go into a shit ton of rantyness about assuming genders as well, but I’m not sure that is my place as I am Cis.

I have not identified as heterosexual ever.

Before I understood things about love and kinda about sex I just liked people.
Then I realized I like girls. I really like girls.

So I figured I was just into girls which is why I didn’t understand the preoccupation with sex bc guys had been a major focus.

Then I realized I just wasn’t sexually attracted to anyone.

And now at this point, I realize that I am a not sexually attracted to anyone, but romantically I like every with a strong preference for women (and that while I dislike sex a lot I can handle it a lot better with people who don’t have penises. They really ick me out).

As far as I am aware I have never been hetero. When I started identifying sexuality I identified as bisexual until 3 ( ??) years ago and I didn’t start thinking about that stuff in relation to others till I was 12ish and THE GIRL came into my life and I realized that everything I felt was valid.

It’s a weird feeling, however, being one of the “invisible sexualities” when something happens to or for the queer community whether good or bad. Even better when your romantic attractions are ignored bc you don’t wanna tumble in the sheets with folks.

If it’s good and you want to celebrate you have the people saying you don’t have the right to truly be happy the way real queer do.

And if it’s bad and scary you have the people saying that when you are in a visually straight marriage you don’t really need to be scared and are drawing attention away from the real issues.

It’s a very ummm…limbo-like… feeling to me when people like that in the queer community talk to me.

It’s stranger still when my hetero friends and family don’t understand and refuse to listen. (Added this to the listen of reasons I don’t view blood relations as family and my friend circle is tiny as hell.)

Bi/pan/ polysexual people are not sometimes gay or straight.
Asexuals are not automatically hetero.
(Let’s also note the non-binary individuals who …um… “Blend” ( a ridiculous word to use but that’s all I can think of bc I don’t like the term passing.)

If you care about us, don’t forget about us.

We are not all monogamous either so the likelihood of appearing straight bc one partner is around more or whatever is a thing.

Don’t discount the way that everyone feels.

To sum this up…. Some of us that don’t look like we should be afraid of what might happen to us are. We are really afraid. Also afraid for our partners that are out, but aren’t out about our relationship. <<(Personally the reason I will not date anyone that is not out to their family about poly and/or LGBT. I personally can’t quietly grieve another significant other).


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