(Adapted from my PK Table on Littles)
- How people on the outside ( and sometimes on the inside) view us.
- Some of these stereotypes personally fit me and others don’t, but it all goes back to trying to make us fit into one singular box.
- All littles have some sort of childhood trauma.
- Littles and Caregivers are really pedophiles or into pedophilia.
- All littles are little 24/7.
- They all have some sort of Daddy complex.
- They are all brats.
- All littles like to be babies in diapers.
- Littles can’t thrive in a professional/corporate world.
- Littles aren’t strong enough to adult and get shit done.
- Littles are unintelligent.
- Littles just take and never give anything back to a friendship or relationship.
- All littles are annoying.
- Tops/sadists can’t be littles.
- All littles are submissive.
- Littles is 100% fetish.
- Littles are automatically treated the same as real children.
- All Littles are immature and irresponsible adults.
- Being Little is just about sex.
- Littles can’t be independent.
- Littles have never grown up.
- Littles have to be petite girls of a certain age.
- Littles can’t have multiple ages.
- Littles have to be kinky.
I’m hoping to dispel some of these stereotypes over the course of this writing and through my many other writings posted on Fetlife and Tumblr.
Terms and Definitions
- Big – Any non-little adult in the Big/Littles community or particular adults that a Little feels close too. Bigs include: Daddies, Mommies, Brothers, Sisters, Caregiver/Caretaker. Bigs can be Dominant, submissive, or on neither side of the slash. Littles can be Bigs to other Littles.
- Brat- is not a term inherently tied to Littles. Being a Brat means pushing the boundaries without crossing the lines within the dynamic you have or the negotiation you have created. Bratting requires consent from the receiver whether blanket consent or periodic consent. Bratting is not the same as being a SAM.
- Little- Someone who has a childlike personality and possibly even interest. Littles are a subset of the Baby Girl/baby boy category, as well in that we enjoy nurturing dynamics/relationships whether romantic or not. It is important to note that childlike is a big part of the stereotype issue. Most people forget that real children do not have one uniform type personhood. They all vary in ability and maturity; the same counts for Littles.
- Age play- is role play that can be used in sexual and non-sexual ways for temporary experiences. You can role play a child which is usually why people assume age player and Little are the same, as well as the Littles community was born from Age play; but you can also age play as an adult, usually an elder.
Now I specifically want to talk about the differences between being a little and an age player. They are not one in the same. Ageplay is more roleplay based and can be for any age range. Little is more of your personality. It’s not what we do. So personally I don’t agree that the stereotype of being a Little 24/7 is entirely incorrect. I think that a lot of people have a particular image of what you have to be in order to count as a Little.
For some people being Little is not a dominant part of their personality. It only comes out when triggered, when they have time or a safe place, or when they want it to. What I am going to talk to you about today is about people who can’t control their Little in the way of bringing it in and out on demand and when it is present in everyday life and those of us who have it as a fully integrated part of personality.
- ABDL- Adult Babies are a subset of Littles or ageplayers depending on the AB for which side they lean towards. There is often a lot of roleplay that is not inherently sexual that revolves around being a baby usually toddler or younger. Some ABs are also into diaper play or diaper comfort this the DL for diaper lover.
- Little Space- Little space is a headspace, similar to subspace. It is experienced differently. For some Littles it’s when their thought processes change from that of regular adult to Tiny Adults. It can even change so far that we go into regression.
- Regression- in our terms is not the same as psychological regression, but there can be overlap if the person does experience both. Many people don’t understand the difference which is why many assume Little, especially Little who regress are mentally unstable or ill in general. For those that don’t know, regression is a concept by Freud, which he defines as a defense mechanism leading to the temporary or long-term reversion of the ego to an earlier stage of development rather than handling unacceptable impulses in a more adult way. It can be used that way, and it is not inherently unhealthy.
- Daddy/Mommy Dom(me)- General terms in the D/s portion of the Big/ Little community that denote a Dominant submissive relationship between a Caregiver (or Big) and a Little. The most commonly discussed form are Daddy Dominant Little girl, Mommy Domme Little Boy and Caregiver Little to give general space to non binary people. There are many forms of the the dynamic including the Daddy or Mommy type person being the submissive or slave in service to their Little.
Integrating your Little into the Big World
When you are 24/7, even when you have a person who can take care of all the adult responsibilities, there is still a degree of adulting you end up doing.The way we handle this is what I call integration. I was recently given the most perfect term that describes what 24/7 Littles do to handle their adult responsibilities. We are reverse age playing. Pretending to be the adults that everyone else needs us to be. This is where integration really helps us.
What is integration? It’s simply about finding what works for you or for your tiny adult so that they can find a balance between who they are and who they need to be as well as who they want to be.
If you have been through my Fet you will notice that I have many writings on being Little in a world design for Real Adult Humans. Your integration may require just getting through an 8-hour work shift, or maybe your home life is not a safe space, you may even have children and can’t completely Little out.
So the basics of Integration are
- Realizing you are not participating in a fantasy or a scene. You are living real life and being authentic to yourself.
- Identify what you want out of you Real Adult Human Life.
- Identify how you feel about your Little and how prominent that person is.
- Identify if you have an age or a range.
- Recognize that you are an adult and can only give up adulting as far as your partner will allow.
- Identify if you have a supportive partner or Caregiver. This will help you when deciding the future of your life while embracing your Little.
- Identify your career choice and all that goes into it. When I started I planned on working in a very corporate space fulltime. I still plan on working with corporate spaces as I am a Event consulting, professional organizer, and time management consultant. So my personal integration is built on that.
- Identify how much kink and or D/s is apart of your Little or life.
- On being a burden*
I don’t have much to say on this except, you aren’t, especially in the context of a Big/ Little dynamic. Of course you need to negotiate, but Bigs if you decide to be in a dynamic with a 24/7 Little you should already know it’s a huge responsibility. It’s an even bigger responsibility when you are the in charge one.
On discussing Little issues*
Why does it seem like discussing Littles is a thing people aren’t willing to do.
Why does it seem that people that are not related to Littles in some way don’t feel comfortable talking about it like we do everything else?
Do you realize that this doesn’t help the situation?
I’ve been a part of many discussions where people come out and says I didn’t feel that I could say this.
We emphasize communication so much, but when did we lose that ability when it comes to littles.
There is a difference between ignorance and kink shaming.
Is it something Littles are dong that makes it hard for people to talk about stuff regarding littles?
If it is, lets address it.
There is a lot of misinformation that I hear from non-Caregivers and non-Littles.
Littles are not large children.
Littles are not uncivilized adults.
Littles are not playing at child role.
Littles are not one thing.
DO NOT ASSUME ALL LITTLES ARE THE SAME AND WANT THE SAME THINGS BECAUSE NO.
If there are asshole Littles in your community cool. Someone should probably say something to them the same way people are so apt to say something to asshole Dominants.
Being Little is not play or kink for a lot of us headspace or no. That ideology demonstrates a lack of understanding of what a little is.
Being a nice Big (which to Littles addresses all adult non-Littles as well) does not mean you are being forced into our littles space.
Being a 24/7 Little isn’t an excuse to be an asshat.
Littles being little is not an excuse to be an asshole.
If you are at a kink event Littles should still be able to be themselves, but they should not force you to engage with them.
If a Little talks to you in baby talk (because some of us do ) and you don’t like that, you can not deal with them or you can ask them to not.
Everyone has the right to be respected. At the very least tell the person in charge of the event or venue what is going on.
People don’t be assholes.
I’ll be back later to format this better.