Some people may know that once Papa decided that we were going transition to M/s, it also reshaped the structure of his House and made it very apparent that there were some ground rules that needed to be set for the Hermitage household.
Sir has a process that essentially makes it to that any submissive coming into the household will not have their collar of ownership for a minimum of 2 years. Sir has had one person formally balk at the concept of the commitment that takes and we recently had someone express that they felt that it was unfair that they wouldn’t be considered part of the family for so long.
But you see there can be a difference between being someone’s submissive versus being a submissive that is a part of a poly household with power exchange. And in there Hermitage there is a difference.
See all of the relationships in a polyamorous family grouping have the potential to impact each other. If you don’t have the skills necessary to handle the potential conflicts but you choose to jump head-first into that environment things can fall apart and people can get hurt. People may have missed crucial communication opportunities and the expression of crucial boundaries.
And our family it so happens that the person who is the only slave currently in the family also has multiple mental health diagnoses.
Papa has full authority over all aspects of my life. He has decided that he wants full authority and therefore the responsibility that comes with that authority. This means that every action that he takes also must take into consideration my health and mental health and therefore our process essentially addresses the fact that I suffer from depression, anxiety, I have OCD, and multiple other disorders that without a proper understanding of them can affect other submissives in the family negatively because of the assumptions that they will make if they are unaware of what these disorders and illnesses are.
The process boils down to Papa mitigating risk for the people joining his family and reinforcing the fact that he believes that informed consent is foundational for what we do.
This process was specifically designed to ensure that every person under his service learns that they are valued and have a voice before they ask for their collar. Yes, you ask him when you have completed the milestones and feel you are ready to reach the next step. You write your petition and tell him why you are ready. He doesn’t make the choices for you until both of you have made that agreement.
Each step in the processes addresses a concept that is crucial to being in this household.
You have to have knowledge of:
* Mental health disorders
* Communication techniques
* Creating ongoing Self-awareness
* Emotional literacy
* A basic foundation of BDSM, an understanding of Authority transfer and dynamic negotiations.
* A basic foundation in the various types of non-monogamous and polyamorous models that exist and knowledge of the continuously growing poly lexicon.
All to be sure that partners can advocate for themselves at any point. So that they can have the knowledge they need.
There are three very literal stages they just take some time.
* Stage one – Basic understandings and getting to understand each other, aka the in-service stage.
* Stage two – Deeper understanding, negotiations, and integrations, aka the consideration stage.
* Stage three- Acceptance and adoption- aka Congratulations you are collared.
Now my flaw may be that the organization aspect of this feeds me. I know when someone petitions Papa that I have approximately 3 months before he will ask me to be ok with having a new person’s germs introduced into my space. 6 months before I will have to deal with my OCD getting triggered often when the new person will be at Home as often as possible and it takes time to learn where things go because there are certain things that people can not touch and also have another person’s things in the place I live and consider my safe haven because I am agoraphobic. 1 year before I definitely have to be ok with someone else cooking in my kitchen.
I’m currently going through the process myself. The timing that has been given as minimum seems pretty great to me, because if you do anything but hold down a full-time job finding time to schedule this is hard.